A Hidden Treasure: The Child in Us

Have you ever felt desperate for attention? Have you ever craved company? Have you ever felt lonely even though you were surrounded by people? Have you ever felt powerless and hopeless?

Welcome to life as a human being.

A lot of us have been conditioned to be ashamed and afraid of our emotions and pain, of our sensitivity and vulnerabilities. We have been conditioned to push away and hide from our humanity.

Getting to know the child in us very well is a major step in our maturation as human beings. The inner-child carries our early wounding as well as our precious, child-like qualities such as innocence and spontaneity, openness and joy.

None of us had all our emotional needs met in childhood. Unmet needs often show up in our relationships now as adults when we suddenly feel unwanted or unloved, uncared for and unimportant.

The wounding of the child in us is often in our shadow - we are not aware of this pain. In our attempts to deal with this pain, we might blame ourselves and others, we might try to repress our emotions or control situations and people. These strategies leave us even more hopeless and exhausted, even more numb, bitter, and closed off.

What’s needed is intimacy with the child in us.

When we become more intimate with the pain we carry since our childhood years, we connect with ourselves more deeply. We access this sensitive, vulnerable place where life is felt more vividly and where we feel more alive - more human.

Keeping our early wounding in healthy perspective and close to our hearts allows us to navigate our relational challenges more skilfully.

If I have a young place in me that feels “unwanted” and if this wound is getting stirred in moments of conflict now with my romantic partner, then I need to learn to stay connected with this pain as I navigate my relationship. Without this awareness, I would blame my pain on my partner and think that she is causing me to feel this way.

Sometimes we might feel unwanted even though there is nothing in our current situation that warrants us to conclude that we are in fact not being wanted.

What we assume automatically and the truth of the situation can be completely different! This is especially true in moments when we become the child in us and lose touch with our adult capacities.

If I’m losing myself in my early wounding, nearly nothing my partner does can convince me that she loves me. I am lost in a closed loop of my own suffering and seeing everything through the eyes of the child in me.

The more we consciously explore our early wounding, the more easily we can wake up in the midst of overwhelm and emotional pain.

The child in you needs you the most in moments when:

- You feel reactive about something someone said or done
- You collapse energetically and feel hopeless and powerless
- You feel emotionally flat and numb
- You crave attention, company, or feeling good
- You try to please people by doing the “right” thing
- You try to be the “nice” guy or girl to avoid confrontation
- You suddenly begin to question yourself and your life choices
- You feel unworthy and undeserving of good things

The child in us needs not an annihilation project as if it’s an error in the system, but the clearly attuned and compassionate adult presence that we are more than capable of.

Turn toward, learn to protect, and begin love the child in you.

His pain is yours to emerge from, her innocence yours to embody, his joy yours to celebrate and share with the whole world.


Read more about inner child healing here.