The Holy Trinity of Relating: Me You Us

When couples struggle in their relationship, it is often because they aren’t taking care of one or more of these three domains. Either we aren’t taking care of ourselves or we aren’t truly respecting our partner or we are simply neglecting the needs of our relationship.

To make this more interesting, imagine that you have your kingdom and your partner has her queendom and that together you are the rulers of an empire. If you find different words suit you better, go ahead and use those.

Taking Care of your Kingdom

Being a King or a Queen means that you are taking care of yourself very very well. You are getting in touch with your power and heart, you are exploring your past wounding, and learning to both love and protect the wounded child in you.

This also means you are taking care of yourself physically with exercise and in what you eat as well as spiritually, making sure you are investing time and energy to connecting with what is most sacred to you.

This way of being is your commitment to living well. You are committed to treating yourself like a King/ Queen by taking care of every dimension of your being: Physical, emotional/ psychological, and spiritual. Each dimension needs to be honoured.

Respecting the Queen and her Boundaries

Taking care of your Kingdom very well is not enough by itself. You must also learn to truly respect and deeply cherish your Queen. Just like you have your Kingdom and its healthy boundaries that you are protecting, your partner has her Queendom and its healthy boundaries.

When you shame or blame her, you disrespect the boundaries of your Queen. If you never give her space, you also end up disturbing the health and integrity of the Queendom.

Deeply understanding the difference between healthy and unhealthy anger as well as learning to say “sorry” from your heart and making amends to repair connection and trust are key elements of respecting the boundaries of your partner.

You must also work on your defensiveness, so that you are more open to having your behaviors positively challenged by the Queen.

Ruling the Empire Together

The King and the Queen rule their empire together. The Empire includes the Kingdom and the Queendom, but is also much larger than them. The Empire has its own set of boundaries.

The boundaries of the Kingdom protect the King from the Queen and her boundaries protect her from the King, but the boundaries of the Empire protect the relationship from outside forces.

Anything that is not the King or the Queen is on the outside of their Empire. What’s included in this? Cellphones and work, parents, friends, children, everything and everyone that is neither the King nor the Queen.

Does that mean my work and even my parents are less important than my relationship? YES. Your relationship is the most important thing in your life along with the health and integrity of your Kingdom/ Queendom.

This doesn’t mean you need to be rude with other people, but it means you must learn to consistently prioritize integrity and love above everything else. The deep connection you share with your partner cannot become less important than someone or something else.

The Holy Trinity Working Together

When the Empire is ruled well, both the King and the Queen feel safer within the healthy boundaries of their shared space. This allows them to soften more and to share themselves with more depth and vulnerability with each other.

Taking care of themselves very well allows them to bring forth their true gifts with each other. As you establish yourself even more deeply as the King of your own life, your Queen does the same.

The Holy Trinity of Relating (Kingdom, Queendom, and the Empire) creates a feedback loop that shows us what needs to be worked on to further strengthen and deepen love. We feel in our bones that what is truly good for the King or the Queen is also good for the Empire and vice versa.

Eventually, the love within the Empire becomes a light that shines to one and all, illuminating much more than we can imagine.

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