Fucking our way to Enlightenment?!
There is great interest in Tantric practices in the West. Generally speaking, I think this is wonderful.
Tantra is often seen as a sexuality based path to spiritual awakening.
Those who are easily enamoured by “the path of pleasure” may overlook the fact that sex is mentioned in only 1 of the 112 tantric sutras of a very particular type of Buddhism.
It is easy to be critical of such an approach to spirituality. The shadow of sex and our abuse of our sexuality are written all over human history (and present).
When we expect sex to make us feel better, we might forget that true freedom has no problem at all with feeling one way over another. It has room for all, it is that free!
Yet, anything can be a doorway to primordial peace. So why not sex?
The West is heavily burdened with thousands of years of terrible conditioning around sexuality. So if Tantric Buddhism becomes a facilitator of much needed healing around sex, who can say that’s a bad thing?
Still I believe much needs to be illuminated and deeply looked at for this path to be a true awakener, instead of one more way we bypass our pain in the name of Enlightenment.
Otherwise it’s not Tantra but same old fucking: A whole lot of friction and heat but no light. Such sex doesn’t liberate but further chains us regardless of who’s on top.
Here are some things to consider:
Am I truly in touch with myself, with my needs and healthy boundaries, as I open myself emotionally and physically to my partner?
Do I have an understanding of spirituality that goes way beyond (and includes) sex?
Am I willing to recognize all energies as the Divine - sexual energy as well as my pain and emotions?
Can I recognize the moments when I’m merely trying to please my partner?
Can I be aware of the desperation of the wounded child in me to feel connected, seen, wanted, accepted, etc?
What happens when I say “no” during sex? Is my “no” fully honoured by my partner?
Are they open to connecting with and honouring my feelings and emotions? If not, how can I trust that they will honour me energetically and physically? (You can’t.)
Making sure we are being sexual as the adult that we are (instead of only the wounded child) is essential in this process so that we show up fully as our sovereign self, properly empowered and healthily boundaried.
We can be aware of and in touch with our wounding as we consciously open ourselves to another, without rushing anything, giving enough time and space for the digestion of whatever arises between us.
This is healthy self-honouring.
Such sexuality is not an end point for the pressurized hunger in us to finally dissipate in the form of an orgasm, but an open-eyed entry into one of the greatest freedoms: The freedom to celebrate our divine humanity all the way with another person!
In such awake union, lust becomes an amplifier of already existing ease and connection. Instead of thinking how or when to come, we recognize in our cells what’s always and already here.
Tantra is infinitely larger than sex, and so is Life and so are we. May we remember that as we explore everything that sex (and love!) can be.