Turning towards the Wounded Child Within

Children have a lot of needs that need to be tended to for their optimal development: To be seen and honoured for who they are, to know they are wanted and that they belong, to feel loved and cherished, and the list goes on.

Unfortunately a lot of our needs don’t get fully met in childhood.

Perhaps some of your needs were neglected because your parents worked a lot or perhaps they didn’t know how to create a peaceful home. For some people, there was severe neglect and perhaps even emotional or sexual abuse.

Each of us get wounded in childhood and we carry this wounding into our adult lives.

As a result of these difficult early experiences, we adopt survival strategies. Some of us try to help our parents or to please them so that they can finally see us and be proud of us.

Some of us learn to shut down and isolate as a coping mechanism when there was chaos and conflict at home.

We often carry these patterns into our adult relationships without being aware of them. When we feel overwhelmed or upset, we might react in ways that make the situation worse with our romantic partner or a close friend or colleague.

We might react in ways that lead to more isolation and disconnection.

In moments of reactivity or sudden helplessness, the child in us is activated and is starting to run the show. We feel threatened and we react instead of responding to what’s happening.

It is essential in these moments to take a step back from the situation and connect with the wounded child in us. Self-parenting allows us to turn toward our pain and to hold space for our wounding. We connect with our vulnerability.

The more we get to know the child in us and our early wounding, the more we access the child-like qualities of our being: Innocence and spontaneity, openness and joy, curiosity and wonder.

Learn more about inner child work.